skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Sometimes....as always i get lost in a world which is utopian..a world tht is flawless..a world tht is fabled in my words..is built with every single brick of my imagination..is just perfect in my views..and of which i dnt know the truth..but i sure as hell hope tht to exist..a world where there are likeminded ppl with me..ppl who hav discussions over coffee about pink floyd and gandhism..bash modi and arjun singh and hail roger federer and saina nehwal..where ppl respect human spirit and perfection..where ppl are judged on merit but not on merit alone..where ppl hav time to spare for a smile tht might lighten a burdensome day for a fellow being..a world where ppl are permanently in the state of hope and optimism and not thinking of conspiracy theories and doomsday predictions..where every music createdis of the order of pink floyd in the world of rock..lyrics as meaningful..music as tasteful..for every genre..where every book written is a classic..where every movie thts made is of the level of a shawshank redemption..where ppl dont hanker after merit,they enjoy creating it..and where ppl truly become what they are meant to be..the most superlative specie on this planet and yet they behave lik tht too..with the utmost respect for others..where the winner is praised but where even the valiant vanquished's memories are also carried back by the people ,in every field..where success and failure coexist with the right lessons drawn from the latter and the wrong lessons of the former and self effacingly ignored..where the winner doesnt flaunt his superiority and the loser knows he'll get back stronger..where winning is just an ambition..not an obsession..where life is about LIVING and not about not knowing how it passes by--living it in moments and phases..and being smug about it..a world where noone needs a self help book..everyone is a spiritual guru..ppl dnt find new diseases everyday to get worried abt..where good health is taken for granted..one night stands are passe and ppl find love all around..old age homes are redundant...a world..where i would like to live in..
6TH SEPTEMBER 2008
A lovely morning dawned on the ordinary surroundings of my apartment in noida..after the stormy night of yesterday..there's a freshness hanging on the leaves of the trees in the park just facing our balcony...and a cool breath lingers in the air..today is one of those rare saturdays when i've got up early (read 9:45 a.m) and i dont hav any plans for the day..so its something great to look forward to..a lazy saturday..wid my morning cuppa coffee and JO JEETA WAHI SIKANDAR showing on set MAX...i comfyly ensconce myself on my bean bag to savour the iconic cycle race tht still gets the adrenaline pumping..and still gives u hope and insight into the indomitable human spirit tht i own..having been equipped wid this new found confidence..i just go out to the balcony and soak in the mild sunlight..suddenly it reminds me of the lazy afternoons at my home(read rourkela) specially after an overnight shower..and i start to instantly miss mom's care..mom's food..oh the smell of mom's richly cooked chicken piping hot from the pressure cooker and wid coriander leaves garninshing..along with steamed rice..a bowl of salad..and a rich yellow bowl of lentils..and life seems so simple to enjoy..and here so far from mom..at a place where..tiffin food and burgers hav shrouded the sense of taste of my taste buds..i rue the infinite such little moments of "feel good" tht i'm missing out on.. wid the soothing playlist tht i've made comprising of "hemant kumar,lata mangeshkar,rafi and kishore" playing on the feeble sound system of my sony vaio..i'm forced to think of a particular issue..why is tht..even the coolest dudes..hottest babes...across cultures..across regions..on orkut,facebook,mtv,channel v,bollywood actresses..politicians..why does every human being born..mention the same answer when popped the question--"what is ur fav cuisine?"..why does everyone reply wid all kinda exotic things..lik italian..spanish..chinese..junk food..choicest pastries(dark temptation et al) but why does everyone finish tht answer wid tht inevitable "and mom's food anyday"..as if its something we've taken for granted to be the epitome of excellence on culinary skills..i dont know how many readers go thru this..and how many agree wid me..but i guess..i'm not entirely alone in this gustatory insight of mine..there's something hauntingly beautiful wid wat everyone's mom cooks..irrespective of cultures and regions..the joys of childhood..of pestering mom to hav a little bit of chicken when its just spiced up..before she puts water into it..and she lovingly liking the adulation and praise...the little joys tht that life brings..makes me to realise how worthless my this life is ..even when i'm earning a 6 figure salary wid all amenities..and the newest gadgets wid me..there are some things tht are TIMELESS and truly there is no better and worthwhile lesson to learn on a lazy saturday morning than to relive the beauty,affection and luv tht was ground into the food of mom and tht has stayed..thanx mom..i know ur not reading this..but maybe i've told u enough times tht i luv the way u cook and wanna take it a step forward to let others relive their mom's cuisine.. suddenly i realise the song playing on the background is--"thoda hai thode ki zaroorat hai"..life and its quirks are so very meaningful and profound at times..till next time..hav fun guys..
when the dark clouds of gloom gather
when faith and belief begin to falter
voices of defeat seem even more louder
the walls of my world draw me closer...
i cant quite tell a friend from a foe
i don't know which way i should go
the silent corridors of silence beckon
the only place where I'm a force to reckon...
battered and bruised beyond recognition
trembling every day with unknown trepidation
waiting each day for an unseen salvation
that fires everyday my imagination...
every single day hopes ebb and flow
circumstances lashing n taking me wherever they want me to
sometimes i feel like a bird raring to go
and still sometimes a castaway with nowhere to go...
doubt merges into diligence,tears flow into sweat
fear mingles into strength,gloom flows into hope
another fight till the world mocks at me
another blow and victory will be mine...
avinash...
FEB 24TH 2007
some days it really amazes me..n i guess most of u must have experienced it too..tht we want to be loved..to be cajoled..cared for..lik a baby..unconditionally..we wish tht someone were there to listen to all our tantrums all our nonsense and wud also admire and adore us for just tht...not sayin tht we dont get our share of luv from our near n dear ones..but i guess somedays i for one..sure feel an emptiness..a void in existing..i wud rather be in the midst of hills in ladakh..watching the small and innocent mountain children laughing and giggling in gay abandon wid a care-a-damn about-the-future-attitude..and enjoyin the cool and fresh breeze warm the cockles of my heart..but i'm forced to carry out my daily drudgery..i mean yeah its ok to say work is worship n enjoi ur workplace n all tht brouhaha..but i guess most of us wud agree that its easier said than done...
and for me i feel tht every such instance which makes me long to reach some far off alcove where there is nary a hassle..not a vestige of worry..and i choose still the same worrisome..hurrisome life..i feel lik i kill some beautiful part of mine..little by little..strangulating and suffocating tht innocent infant in me..the way to redemption prolly lies in listening to the heart..but sometimes i lack the courage to act tht way..to tread tht path..n i hate myself for those weaknesses..i dunno..wot wud release me from these moments of emptiness..is it some divine love..some divine occupation..a sudden inspiration..a ephemeral scenery..a fleeting smile..a pair of expressive eyes..wot wud be the trigger to start this massive turnaround..but i hope n feel its round the corner..whoever it is..whichever experience it mya be..i wish it to happen sooner rather than later..till then..i bide my time..
On 22nd September
The sun baked down on the golden hued beaches of the achingly beautiful Banda island as the waves of the virginly pristine Banda sea (Indonesia) serenely cascaded and danced along the sands. John and Mary squinted at the sparkling waves and the scorching sun...both had been married just a year ago and were deeply in love since their high school prom nite...John took one slanted look at Mary and seeing her auburn hair cascading with the lovely half smile resting on her lips,he instantly felt grateful for the blissful love he was blessed wid..
Mary on the other hand also was basking in the glow of the fruition of her first and only love..ever since she'd seen John, shy and reticent and hesitant in approaching her but still unable to hide his feelings towards her,she'd known that this was her man and she'd thank almighty everyday for bringing them together..
john moved closer to mary and both their bodies were momentarily charged in each other's proximity...john slowly kissed mary's auburn hair..and whispered in her ear--'i love u'.. and kissed her gently on the cheek..mary was enjoying the feeling of being pampered and just kissed her wedding ring and said--'i love u too'..an unusually large tide came in and drenched both of them sultry and wet and laughing merrily like children...
but suddenly mary saw a towering wave welling up and she screamed out to john to look out..unable to comprehend what on earth had come upon?..both the loversheld hands and ran frantically towards the high sands ('katni' as the locals called them)..but the wave was too fast and fierce and they were fighting a losing battle..hardly had they gone ten paces tht the wave struck wid full force and knocked the wind out of them..still they clung on to each other..then a second wave ruthlessly parted the lovers and flung them about ten yards of each other..john who had been a high school swimming champion tried his best to swim towards mary but to his utter dismay he found swimming away from him as if in search of something or somebody in the raging sea..another wave smashed against john and battered him to a rock and all his world went black..
john opened his eyes to the motherly lapping of the sea waves caressing his tattered clothes on the high sands..slowly the recollections of the huge tidal wave dawned on him and he blurted out mary's name in mortal fear and panic...he scanned the faces of people surrounding him who expected a look of relief on the man's face..but found a look of utter and complete fear...
he ran down the high sands towards the edge to find that where there used to be a beach throbbing wid activity..there now played the ragin sea as if mocking and challenging man's foolish might..his mind drew a blank..he never had felt so hopeless and helpless all his life..he searched for mary among the survivors wid unflinching faith that the next face tht turns wud bring him face to face wid mary's smile..HIS mary's smile..the only thought tht kept pounding his mind was.."why did mary swim away from me..why??."..and his mind cud think of no convincing answers..
some of the locals tried to pacify him by saying that prolly mary was safe and had been taken to the nearby hospital..john checked tht out too..but the list of patients didnt bear her name..hours merged into days..and after two days the waves and water subsided..and wid them they brought a rude jolt..bodies strewn all over the beach..of near and dear ones..bloated and deacapitated beyond recognition..full of stench and stink..hardly the loved one u remembered..and john just kept a handkerchief to his face and kept turning bodies to see if her mary was amongst them adn silently praying tht her face lest never turn up...but unmistakably there she was lying amidst the ocean of bodies..still undecomposed..even angel like in peaceful repose..
john clung her body and cried lik a baby..he just cudnt comprehend the loss of his sweet world in a flicker..an instant..and just kept blurting out--"wot did i do to deserve this?"..and in answer the sea still raged mockingly...he kissed mary's hands and clasped his fingers into hers..and suddenly felt a metallic touch..he uncurled hid fingers which had become stiffer after the rigor mortis had set in..after death..only to find her wedding ring clutched in her right fist...the thing which mary had cherished beyond her life..for which she had fought a battle she knew she wud lose...but she fought..and won..by paying the price of her life...
john kept on repeating .."u foolish girl..why did u have to love me so much?"...he feels a small hand with tiny fingers curl on his shoulder and a cherubic voice asking--"why's mom sleeping here"..he turns back to look into those unmistakably blue eyes of their 3 year old daughter..angela..the very blue eyes of mary..the hue of the raging sea..john blinks back his tears and realises tht he has a whole new love to live for..he holds angela's tiny hand and walks back into the sunset.....
On september 29th 2006
